"You have to wear a condom, without one you'll definitely get herpes, AIDs, or some other kind of disease, Tell Me you've always used one, right?", Kimmy's eyes were locked on mine as she peered over the glass of her usual drink, waiting to analyze my response. The regular pitter patter of the local bar had turned into a sexual interview, which peeked my interest as it was being administered from someone who was supposed to be an adamant virgin.
"Why wouldn't you wear a condom?" I replied, not really answering the question yet still insinuating the response I knew she wanted. I was sure I'd kissed her once or twice on nights similar to this, but the way she talked to me tonight, and the things she made sure I overheard when talking to Valerie, made me think this similar night could become something more.
I continued to weave my way through the interview, doing my best to act oblivious as to what she was clearly getting at. Some girls are often content in knowing that you'd sleep with them, and they'll push it past the limit to find out, or completely halt once they they know the answer is yes.
There was a group of 4 or 5 of us that night, and Kimmy finally announced that she was to get home right away to get enough sleep for some such thing in the morning. She flashed me a glance, and it was truly a flash. I got up saying I'd walk her home, she told me to stay, and she meant it. I knew she didn't. I left with her, forgetting to pay for my drinks, I'd come back tomorrow.
She had a way of telling you what you really wanted, what you didn't want, despite what ever you thought you wanted. I had the same way, except I avoided speaking it. She told me as we walked that I didn't like her, and any semblance of a relationship would never work. That's when I kissed her, she pressed into me kissing me harder.
We slipped by the side of the building, furthering our new method of conversation. As our hands became more active, we moved further into the darkness, settling on the pavement between the front of a parked car and a brick wall. I started testing the waters, as one must do with a virgin, also debating how hidden are spot was.
I heard footsteps that she didn't hear, I also heard the door open and shut she somehow didn't hear either. She did hear, and saw, as the car started up with headlights blinding us at point blank range. We didn't move, we didn't think to run, and I can't be sure we were even seen as the driver backed out and drove away. I laughed it off with the last of my drunkeness, but it was enough to spook Kimmy into calling it quits, we strolled another block or two to her doorstep.
"You know this didn't mean anything, and it'll never happen again". I didn't believe her, nor did I care either way. She'd spent her days thinking up her own prison, creating rules for herself, setting high standards she'd then promise to never reach, and finding every example of dishonesty around her in space and time to justify trusting no one. Strapping on loners armor and rushing into social battles, thriving on being misunderstood to feel unique, feel something.
Empty conversation filled a few more minutes before we said goodnight, though morning had established itself by now. I turned around and ran away, wind rushing on my face, running by people on the sidewalk who didn't bat an eye, all the way to my own apartment several blocks away. I'm not sure why I ran, the moment took me.
Every one had called Kimmy crazy at one point or another, friends and enemies alike. To me, calling someone crazy is another way of saying "I don't understand them". I too had called her crazy on occasion, and that's the reason I was so attracted to her at times. She became less attractive as she became less misunderstood, I figured that's why she created distance between us and anyone else trying to get close to her. Figuring her out would ruin the one thing she prided herself on in private, being misunderstood.
"Why wouldn't you wear a condom?" I replied, not really answering the question yet still insinuating the response I knew she wanted. I was sure I'd kissed her once or twice on nights similar to this, but the way she talked to me tonight, and the things she made sure I overheard when talking to Valerie, made me think this similar night could become something more.
I continued to weave my way through the interview, doing my best to act oblivious as to what she was clearly getting at. Some girls are often content in knowing that you'd sleep with them, and they'll push it past the limit to find out, or completely halt once they they know the answer is yes.
There was a group of 4 or 5 of us that night, and Kimmy finally announced that she was to get home right away to get enough sleep for some such thing in the morning. She flashed me a glance, and it was truly a flash. I got up saying I'd walk her home, she told me to stay, and she meant it. I knew she didn't. I left with her, forgetting to pay for my drinks, I'd come back tomorrow.
She had a way of telling you what you really wanted, what you didn't want, despite what ever you thought you wanted. I had the same way, except I avoided speaking it. She told me as we walked that I didn't like her, and any semblance of a relationship would never work. That's when I kissed her, she pressed into me kissing me harder.
We slipped by the side of the building, furthering our new method of conversation. As our hands became more active, we moved further into the darkness, settling on the pavement between the front of a parked car and a brick wall. I started testing the waters, as one must do with a virgin, also debating how hidden are spot was.
I heard footsteps that she didn't hear, I also heard the door open and shut she somehow didn't hear either. She did hear, and saw, as the car started up with headlights blinding us at point blank range. We didn't move, we didn't think to run, and I can't be sure we were even seen as the driver backed out and drove away. I laughed it off with the last of my drunkeness, but it was enough to spook Kimmy into calling it quits, we strolled another block or two to her doorstep.
"You know this didn't mean anything, and it'll never happen again". I didn't believe her, nor did I care either way. She'd spent her days thinking up her own prison, creating rules for herself, setting high standards she'd then promise to never reach, and finding every example of dishonesty around her in space and time to justify trusting no one. Strapping on loners armor and rushing into social battles, thriving on being misunderstood to feel unique, feel something.
Empty conversation filled a few more minutes before we said goodnight, though morning had established itself by now. I turned around and ran away, wind rushing on my face, running by people on the sidewalk who didn't bat an eye, all the way to my own apartment several blocks away. I'm not sure why I ran, the moment took me.
Every one had called Kimmy crazy at one point or another, friends and enemies alike. To me, calling someone crazy is another way of saying "I don't understand them". I too had called her crazy on occasion, and that's the reason I was so attracted to her at times. She became less attractive as she became less misunderstood, I figured that's why she created distance between us and anyone else trying to get close to her. Figuring her out would ruin the one thing she prided herself on in private, being misunderstood.
Comments